Pretty Little Liars “Do Not Disturb” (06×15): The saga continues, and I just can’t even.

I know it’s been a couple weeks since I wrote about PLL, but this week’s episode was just too ridiculous to not discuss.

Non-fans need to understand that there’s a lot of self-loathing that comes with being a PLL fan. We love it and hate ourselves for it. So then we deny ourselves the privilege of watching this train wreck. And then we hate ourselves even more because we probably missed something epic. Which will probably also be reneged in an upcoming episode. Then we hate ourselves for getting sucked back in, and count down the hours until the next episode.

And this is how we ended up here: up to our eyeballs in intrigue and absurdity six seasons later in the PLL Post-Time Jump Era.

As always, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. If you haven’t watched PLL 06 X 15 yet… watch it, don’t watch it, whatever. It honestly probably doesn’t matter anymore because it’s all cray cray.

01. Ok, so we’re now led to believe that Byron is NOT Charlotte’s killer/New Emoji A. Instead he was just sneaking around and hooking up with his estranged wife. Because that’s not awkward for Aria at all. But, hey… Byron and Ella are back together! (At least for the foreseeable future until they find out their daughter is being stalked (again) and they disagree about how to handle it (again). But she’s an adult now so maybe they’ll be all “whatevs, you’re on your own chica.”)

02. Am I the only one not buying Jordan and Hanna as a couple? Even if we completely remove Spaleb from the equation, I’d rather see Hanna grow old with a kangaroo than Jordan.

You should do that Hanna… just not with Jordan.

03. Even though we live in a world where we need metal detectors in elementary schools, Rosewood doesn’t find it necessary to have any type of security presence in their high school. As a result, it’s totally acceptable and not at all suspicious for a young woman who has no business in that school to show up dressed like a cat burglar and creep around the hallways.

*Side note: Every time I see Sara Harvey’s face, I want to rip it in half. AND WHY DO THEY KEEP PUTTING THIS GIRL IN SUCH UNFORTUNATE HATS?

04. Sara to Ali: “I didn’t know you worked here.” *pause* “I did know you worked here.” GO BACK TO RADLEY, YOU WEIRDO.

05. Hanna/Caleb/Spencer scenes are SO AWKWARD. No love triangle like this would exist in real life without a serious cat fight. To this day, I still wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room as one of my exes. I’m really not sure how any of these ex-couples are even functioning in this town.

06. This whole Emily egg-donor thing is… strange. I don’t really buy how a smart, resourceful, hard-working girl would have to resort to selling her eggs to make money. But she had some hard hits the past few years so I can’t judge too much.

07. Emily had an anesthesia-induced dream that Sara tried to kill her, only to wake up and find that the intended recipient of her eggs backed out. Which is really horrible considering the procedure she just underwent. But hey, homegirl’s hair is KILLING IT post-surgery. So it’s all good.

08. HANNA FINALLY TOLD OFF HER HORRIBLE BOSS. YOU GO GIRL! But don’t come back cuz ya’ll just got fired.

09. Aria and Spencer climbed over the balcony to get into Sara’s hotel room. Even though they clearly learned nothing from Seasons 1-5, I still enjoy Team Sparia.
*Side note: If anyone wants to nickname me “Little Big One” I’d be ok with that.

10. Aria disappeared down a mysterious hole that Sara single-handedly excavated out of the closet in her hotel room. So she’s either investigating without telling Spence (because that’s always smart in Rosewood) or someone took her down that hole. Either way, Aria’s nowhere to be found.

11. Caleb totally owned New Emoji A and corrupted all of that creepster’s files. Caleb Rivers puts the KING in HACKING.

(Even though in this case he planted a virus in a fake backup of the security footage that Hanna covertly delivered to New Emoji A). BUT I STILL STAND BY MY ORIGINAL CLAIM!

I hate myself for being excited for next week’s episode.

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